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It would be nice if CatholicMatch were like J-Date--a good and fun way to bring people of the same faith together. Instead, the site is fosters divisive attitudes among Catholics and condones racist, intolerant, and misogynistic behavior.

The problem, in part, is made evident when you first join: you are made to fill out a highly personal questionnaire about which Church โ€œteachingsโ€ you accept and which ones you do not. You must answer โ€œyesโ€ or โ€œnoโ€ to The Most Important Catholic Questions Ever of premarital sex, abortion, contraception, papal infallibility, and holy orders, and your answers are made public on your profile. I'm a very devout Catholic who generally has no problem with most of the Churchโ€™s positions, but I firmly believe that forcing people answer "yes" or "no" to these questions is counterproductive for a dating site. First of all, these matters are often private--things best left to private discussions with a priest or other religious authority. Second of all, these questions are often more complex than a simple โ€œyesโ€ or โ€œnoโ€ questionnaire allows (and contrary to CM belief, these questions are not self-evident dogma; they are constantly up for debate within the church itself).

Third, and most importantly, by forcing people to divulge how they stand on personal issues, the site fosters intolerance among its members and sets up an "us vs. them" mentality. Youโ€™re either a good Catholic or a bad, flawed Catholic. In the forums, you regularly see people refer to other site members as a "5/7"--shorthand for a "bad Catholic," or a member who doesn't agree with the church's teachings on premarital sex or birth control. (It rarely occurs to anyone that someone could be a "5/7" by disagreeing with the church's stance on not allowing priests to marry or papal infallibility--no, a "5/7" is always shorthand for a member who is promiscuous.) It's sad that a Catholic site promotes such judgmental attitudes on the part of its members.

Predictably, this religious "litmus test" scares away people who are more moderate and less dogmatic in their beliefs. I have friends who were so turned off by having to divulge their beliefs about birth control or gays that they decided to boycott the site altogether. I have another friend who, having ticked "no" to the papal infallibility question, received hate mail from a member who called her "unfit for the faith" and "living in a state of mortal sin." All because she doesn't believe the pope is infallible!

I'm sure that many Catholics would read this review and tell me that only good Catholics need apply and cafeteria Catholics aren't welcome. Well, whatever. CM still allows divorced members to join--because they bring in money, I assume. Yet no one raises an eyebrow at this. They're too busy bashing members who ticked "no" on birth control or something.

Since moderate Catholics are scared away, CM is an echo chamber for people who hold far-right political views and spout intolerant ideology. Basically, it can be a scary place if you're not an ultra-conservative white Roman Catholic male who secretly fantasizes about instituting the Catholic version of Sharia law. In the past few months, I've seen the following things take place in the discussion boards and at the Institute:

*One man mocked women who use birth control for medical disorders, implying that they are *** who use endometriosis as an excuse;

*One man said that women who get breast cancer deserve it, because breast cancer is caused by delaying childbearing and/or using birth control pills;

*Two men, on different occasions, said that narcissistic unmarried Catholic women will be at fault when ISIS takes over, because women's refusal to have a lot of children is enabling Muslim countries to "outbreed" us;

*One non-Catholic person, who was on the site trying to figure out if she wanted to become Catholic, admitted that she didn't quite agree with the church's stance on birth control, and she was harassed out of the forums and ended up leaving the site (she wasn't even Catholic yet!);

*Several men have voiced concerns that women on the site are "too educated" and therefore not open to God's plans for women (because apparently God doesn't want women to be educated);

*Men and women alike consistently blame feminism for why they aren't married yet and pine for the days when women didnโ€™t work or college or "take jobs away" from men;

*People continually make racist comments about Obama and misogynistic comments about Hillary Clintonโ€™s physical appearance;

*Some members have used very egregious hate speech against Muslims, which almost always goes undeleted/ignored by administrators;

*One young man admitted to having violent impulses toward women and wrote that when he sees a young woman wearing skimpy clothes, he wants to punish her. More disturbingly, an older woman in the forum offered right then and there to introduce him to her daughter, saying that heโ€™s the sort of upstanding guy she wants as a son-in-law. (!)

I understand that there are many racists and misogynists in the world, Catholic and not Catholic, and that the internet gives them safe cover to say whatever they want. What truly bothers me is that CatholicMatch tolerates this behavior. As a Catholic site, it should make it a priority to ban hate speech and other dehumanizing sentiments. Iโ€™m sorry, but itโ€™s not ever appropriate to say that a woman deserves breast cancer because she didnโ€™t have children early enough, or because she used birth control pills. Itโ€™s not acceptable to express violent thoughts toward women who wear skimpy clothes, or Muslims, or gays. Itโ€™s really shameful and embarrassing. Itโ€™s embarrassing that this site exists, and Iโ€™m sorry I ever saw any of this stuff.

Location: Belton, Missouri

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Guest

Atheists and agnostics don't have these problems.

Guest

The 7/7 question are there for a reason. Catholics want to know where a potential date stands on important issues. Stop trying to gaslight others into accepting liberal nonsense.

Guest
reply icon Replying to comment of Guest-1591189

Go back to Stormfront.

Guest
reply icon Replying to comment of Guest-1679498

Don't like what you hear so just accuse of being "stormfront".

Guest

This is probably the most spot-on review I've seen of that place. Brian Bacarro is probably besties with Steve Bannon.

That's the only thing I can think of that explains the vile racist hatred and misogynistic sentiments that are allowed to prevail on that site.

CatholicMatch is the literal worst, and I wish the actual Catholic Church would denounce this site.

Guest

The older men are *** All these 50something men seeking much younger due to wanting kids. Yeah, not happening. I lurk at the message board and I think I know who you mean.

Guest

Ugh, the men looking for maids. I had a few in a first email ask about my cooking and cleaning skills.

They were mad I have no interest in catering.

As for that guy, there's a few like that. I had so many much older men contact me.

Guest

I agree. I am an educated women who is very devout but because I don't want to be a submissive housewife I was attacked.I told off a man and yet got a warning from the mod.

The racism and sexism horrified me.

I'm a moderate but unless you are far right it's not for you. I spent a year there.

Guest

I agree that some of the men on Catholic match seem like they're auditioning for the Taliban. They're looking for a slave, not a wife.

That doesn't seem to bother "Brian," the main moderator. Instead, he becomes totally unhinged and irrational when anyone criticizes the site's practices of letting divorced people join. He basically just moved to kick a woman off the site today because she expressed an opinion he didn't like about divorced people on the site. It's over in the Institute- you can read it for yourself.

What he says to her is cray-cray and totally over the top. That's Catholic Match in a nutshell!

Guest
reply icon Replying to comment of Guest-1183896

There's this 50-something *** who's been going around harassing women on the site, sending them insulting emails to women who are around 40. He tells them that they're "damaged goods" and "rotting fruit" and "delusional" and that they're worthless. I know people have reported him, but he never gets banned. He's now going around leaving comments on articles that are two and three years old, tracking women down--always women around 40--to tell them that they're not as attractive as they think they are and that their "market value" has "fallen to zero." What he says is beyond harassment--it's sinful and maybe even a safety issue.

But that *** keeps his account, while women who *** off Brian get threatened with banning.

There are tons of really angry 50+ men on that site. A few years ago, this one guy who self-identified himself as a virgin used to rail and rail against all the slutty women of the site and explode in these fits of rage in all caps. He'd say things like, "I REFUSE to marry women who won't bear MY children!!! I don't want her *** babies!!!" and stuff like that. I was like, don't worry, pal, I don't think that's going to be a problem ...

It was a riot to watch--from a distance. Alarming that no one would step in to put a pin in this guy. And even scarier that other men would applaud him and praise him for being so upstanding and moral. Yeah, lol okay, and yuck. Explain no further why these guys aren't married.

Guest

Absolutely disgraceful website. Not Catholic at all.

Wouldn't recommend it for a million dollars. STAY AWAY, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Guest
reply icon Replying to comment of Guest-1183733

I'm getting out.

Reading your complaints helped out a lot.

Thank you

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